Last Thursday afternoon, my colleague and I were involved in a freak car accident - one in which we could have easily been killed or seriously injured. 

Amazingly, we escaped the accident with only minor aches and pains, and the driver of the other vehicle was completely unhurt.  

Here's what happened: 

My colleague and I were returning from an out-of-town meeting, driving on a narrow, elevated expressway near downtown Toronto in sunny, dry conditions.  We were in the right-hand lane, nearing our exit, when suddenly a very large dump truck smashed into the driver's side of our car.  Within seconds, our car was spun around in front of the dump truck as it continued hurtling down the highway.  We were being pushed sideways down the expressway, with the nose of the dump truck embedded in our driver's side door.  

Many possibilities ran through my head.  Among other things, I thought, "We're going to be spun around into the fast lane and be hit by another oncoming vehicle", or "our tires are going to blow and the car will roll again and again down the highway", or "we're going to be smashed into the concrete barrier and possibly crushed or at least seriously injured by this large truck".  Other thoughts raced through my mind.  First to come to mind was my wife, followed by my parents, my brothers and their families, other relatives, my friends and colleagues, my staff. 

My colleague maintained alertness throughout it all, holding onto the steering wheel and, I think, trying to return our car to its proper lane and direction.  Apparently all of this was happening without the dump truck driver's awareness.  We were in his blind spot when he switched lanes, and apparently he was even unable to see us when our car was being pushed sideways down the highway by his truck.  His only clue was the screeching tires and the smell of burning rubber.  Our guess is that when he applied his brakes, we were released from the front of his truck.  Our car spun around, back into the right lane of the highway, and amazingly was facing the direction we were originally headed in.  Our next fear was that we would be rear-ended by a vehicle approaching at speed from behind us.  Luckily, the drivers nearby had seen all of this happening and had slowed down by then.  

Before we knew it, a tow truck was on the scene, as were the police.  We knew we were safe.

With my colleague's permission, I am sharing this story with you.

Why?  Mainly because I know that from time to time I have been "tuned in" to what's really important in life by other people's close calls - or worse - other people's tragedies.  My hope is that maybe one of you will benefit in this way.  Writing also helps me remember how fortunate we were that day, and give thanks once again for the simple ability to type this message.  

So, call a loved one and go spend some quality time with them.  Or, forgive someone for something you've been holding against them. 

Life is short, and can be taken from us at any time.  Enjoy the journey.  Take time to appreciate the hundreds of little pleasures available to us every day.  I've just had another reminder of why this is important - may you, too, be reminded from time to time - hopefully in gentle ways. 

Just two days ago I posted an entry about this new topic I will be writing about. 

I described my definition of "Sustainable Living" as including much more than "simply" living in a planet-friendly way (as if that weren't already enough of a challenge).  I defined it to include every aspect of how we live our lives.  I'm specifically thinking about what I call "human-friendly" practices, like taking care of our body, mind, and spirit (aka life force), eating well, having leisure time, getting rest and exercise, and so on.  

Given that my firm's work lies in the fields of negotiation, conflict management, and relationship building, one could quite fairly ask the question: why are you writing about this?  What the heck does this have to do with what you, your colleagues, and your company do for a living?  

I would have no problem simply answering, "Nothing.  It's a personal interest, not a business interest, and it's one I think people are interested in hearing about".  But, that's not what I believe to be true here. 

My goal when I'm working with clients is to help them discover that the best business deals generally aren't actually the ones where they "got one over on" their "opponent".  Instead, we illustrate - through real-life examples and exercises - how they can generally do much better over time if they create business arrangements that work for ALL parties.  These deals are robust and SUSTAINABLE, as are the relationships they help build.  This applies equally well to political or trade agreements within, between, or among countries.  We work in settings like that as well.  

So, my belief is that there is a direct connection between the notion of sustainable living and one's approach to negotiations and relationships.  If you pay attention to the themes we highlight in articles, book reviews, or in the "Negotiation Advice" section of my blog, you will see the link between the two, I believe. 

Here's to outcomes that work for all parties involved. 

Today I am adding a new category to my blog: Sustainable Living.

I know, this sounds like yet another "Green" initiative.  That is partially true: I DO want to do my part to keep our planet livable, but the story doesn't end there. 

I am talking about "Sustainable Living" in a much broader sense.  I am referring to every aspect of how we live our lives: food, hobbies, sleep, social time, work, and so on.  I am introducing this category because, in the past two years, I have done a lot of intentional work on making my life more sustainable.

Today, it seems as though everyone is on a treadmill, and few of us know how to navigate it properly.  Beyond that, even fewer people know how to stop it, or take control of their own lives long enough to step off the treadmill and look at where, why, and how fast they were going.  

This category will focus on any ideas I come across that I think could help us live more sustainable (aka "human friendly") lives, and will include thoughts and reflections I have about walking this path in my own life. 

One of the best ironies about this whole topic is that I intended to post this entry last week, but because I was too busy getting ready for a 4-day ski vacation (and working late into the night to be "ready"), I ran out of time to complete it to my satisfaction.  So, here it is, being posted 5 days later, again late at night as I wind up 2 days' work and prepare to "unplug" for a further 5 days "off", during which I plan to focus on home organizing projects.  Ah yes, who is it that needs this column badly?   

To balance.  

Winter Beauty

It's just after 7 o'clock on a post-snow-storm Saturday morning here in Toronto.  

I have been sitting by my window for the past hour, looking out at the freshly fallen snow in my backyard, reveling in its beauty.  The scene is gently illuminated by the reflected lights of the city, softly bouncing off the clouds.  

The scene is so exquisite, so peaceful.  I feel like I'm looking at a picture from a storybook.  As the light grows slowly, I notice myself wishing it were still dark so I could enjoy this peace a little longer.  It feels like the whole world is sleeping.  My mind knows that's not true, but my body and spirit feel the calm, quiet beauty of the surroundings.  

The street I live on is still snow-covered, and the trees and bushes are adorned with a decorative dressing of snow.  

This is one of my favourite parts of winter.  And, I am reminded about how easy it is to miss winter's beauty in a big city.  Everything around us - from the news media to the hustle and bustle of big city life - directs us toward the inconvenience of a large snowfall, and the slushy mess that can often follow on the streets and sidewalks when the temperatures rise above freezing in the days following a storm.  

But, today, right now, that's the last thing on my mind.  To life's little joys.

Yeah, I know, clichés stink.  But, they're around for a reason: most of them have at least some truth to them.  This one, in my opinion, is no exception. 

Last week, in one of my other business interests, my partner and I encountered a big, unexpected problem: a key team member decided to leave on short notice, to focus her attention on other priorities in her life. And, the problem occurred at the busiest time of the year for that business. 

My first reaction was the typical, "Oh, geez (or, er, maybe some other word). This is bad.  What are we going to do now?"

This worry and ruminating went on for a while - probably most of the rest of that day. 

And then, I remembered: none of us choose what life gives us, but all of us choose (consciously or not) how we respond. 

So, I started to think, "Wait a minute, this isn't ALL bad.  Sure, it's an inconvenience now, but it also gives us the chance to make a change in how we're doing things, and maybe even find someone more suited to the role."

As I began to play with the possibilities, I started to get excited by what we might be able to do, and how we might be able to take this problem and leverage it.  

In the end, within the space of three days, we had found and hired a new and highly-experienced team member who, as it turns out, was looking for exactly the job we were offering.  We also restructured how we were doing things, making a number of improvements to some of the systems and processes we had in place.  

And here's the key point: the size of the opportunity has a proportional relationship with the size of the problem.  I don't think either one of us would have been as motivated or open to making so many changes so quickly, had we not really needed to do something significant.  

So, next time you're faced with a big problem, see if you can hit the "pause" button on your worries sooner rather than later, and look for the silver lining in the cloud.  I hope I will. 

Happy New Year, blog readers!  I hope most of you took the time to relax a little bit during this quieter time of year (at least in the Western world), and wherever you are reading this from, that your New Year is off to a great start. 

Today I'm writing about the ultimate challenge in my line of work (or perhaps, in any type of work that relates to helping people coexist more successfully.  What is that challenge?  Walking the talk.

I heard a great line from a colleague a few years ago, which is all too often true for those of us in the advice-giving field: 

TAKE MY ADVICE; I'M NOT USING IT ANYWAY!

Not a bad line huh?  While it is good for a chuckle, sadly it is all too often true.  When I talk with people about my line of work, I often say that this is one of the biggest challenges for us.  We are all human, so the goal is not perfection.  However, I certainly DO strive to walk our talk.  They way I see it, we need to combine two things: COMPASSION FOR HUMAN FLAWS (i.e. contradictions, character flaws, weaknesses), and A COMMITMENT TO WALKING THE TALK. 

I had a chance to practice the skills this past week, when I sought input from my team on whether like I was delegating enough, and whether they felt safe enough to put tough issues on the table with me in general.  

For me to get useful input, I have to create a safe space for them, AND, I have to be OPEN to their input, even if I don't like what I hear, or don't initially agree.  That is easier said than done.  I'm happy to report that when the meeting finished and I asked them whether they felt like they were able to air their views, and whether they felt better about the topic at hand, the answer was "yes".  And, it felt like a REAL "yes".  In fact, one of my team members suggested I blog about it - hence this posting. 

So, maybe I succeeded this time, but I am always vigilant, because if I am not "living the ideas" the majority of the time, I think I'd need to move on and find a new field of practice.  Otherwise I would be a complete fraud, and I wouldn't like the person staring back at me in the mirror much.  Sure, I screw up regularly, but I always stand in a commitment to the ideals, so if I make a mess, I take responsibility and clean it up.    

Having written this, I now feel like I'm tooting my own horn.  That's not the purpose of this, though.  The purpose is to say that even though my full-time profession is teaching and advising people on conflict management and negotiation techniques in various parts of the world, I still have to be mindful of living the principles. 

So, if you find yourself struggling - take heart.  You're only human, so you're expected to make mistakes.  It's what you do with them that matters more.  

December 31, already.  Whoever first wrote "time flies" wasn't kidding.  

For that reason and many others, I tend to take some time at various points during the year, including this one, to reflect on what has been, what is, and what I would like to have happen in the future.  

As I look back over this year, I am proud of many major accomplishments. 

In my consulting and training business, I tackled some significant challenges that needed my attention, and that were extremely difficult for me to deal with.  And, they are now handled.  I also did a lot of organizing, cleaning up messes, and made much more strategic choices about the use of my time.  I also continued the path of reclaiming personal time.  So, I am entering 2008 feeling much more peaceful than I did entering 2007. 

In my personal life, there are many things to celebrate as well.  One of the clear highlights is the trip I made this past February to Israel, with my wife, my father, and a close cousin of mine.  We went there to meet Moshe, the man my grandparents sheltered from the Nazis in The Netherlands during WWII.  Meeting Moshe, his wife, his 5 children, and his 26 grandchildren was a very powerful and moving experience - one I will never forget.  It was also an important trip from my father's perspective, and I'm so happy I made it with him (for those of you who are newer to my blog, I wrote about this trip in my February and March entries, so if you want some background, check out those posts).  These are the things one remembers and cherishes in life, and my plan is to never stop doing things like this.

Tomorrow my wife and I are going to spend some time looking back at the year in more detail, specifically listing what we are grateful for, and we will capture some of the bigger picture goals we have for 2008. 

My invitation to you is to take some time to do something similar for yourself.  Life is short, and I find it gets richer when I pause to notice and look for the positive in things, and give thanks for it.

I wish you a wonderful New Year. 

Greetings blog readers.  Many of you reading this entry will likely just have finished celebrating Christmas in some way.  Even many friends and colleagues of mine who did not grow up in a Christian tradition have told me that they give each other gifts at this time of year - especially if they are living in a "western" country where Christmas is widely celebrated. 

When we look beyond the religious or cultural significance many of us associate with Christmas, the predominant feature or "tradition" that stands out is one of gift-giving.  In fact, this has become so big that it often puts many people in a difficult financial position once the bills start rolling in during the month of January.  Setting aside the obvious problems this causes, there is another side to this consumerist way of living that we rarely explore: the impact of our "consumption" on the world we live in.

There is a lot of attention being paid these days to the environment, and specifically, global warming and the human contribution to it.  While there continues to be a debate about how much of the warming is reflective of a sun spot and how much of it is the result of human impact, no matter what your view is about this, it still makes sense to be a responsible steward of the planet we share and depend upon for survival. 

One of the ways to be a responsible steward is to evaluate how our everyday lifestyle impacts our world.  Recently a friend forwarded a link to an excellent website containing a simple and well-presented description of the impact our consumption has on our world.  And, it's not just another one of those doomsday scenarios.  It offers specific and practical ways to be a better steward of our shared home.  You don't have to agree with all of the assertions presented by the creator of the site to find something valuable in it.  The full video is just over 20 mins long, or you can watch short chapters or download info, PDFs, and so on.  Although it is an US site, citing US-based statistics, the principles are universal. 

So, as we sit with our new "stuff" from Christmas, or throughout the year as we consider our next purchase in our "throw away" society, let's think about what knock-on effects we're creating.  Check out the site, and let me know what you think. http://www.storyofstuff.com/

Recently, a respected friend and colleague of mine introduced me to an organization called "The Sufficiency Foundation".  Their motto is:

A world that works
for everyone
with no one
and nothing left out

I don't know about you, but I like the sound of that. 

Of course, for me, what immediately comes up is skepticism.  That little voice in my head says, "yeah, right!"  But, I am not that little voice - I am much more than that (and so are you, by the way). The notion behind their organization is, first of all, that we carry an unconscious belief of scarcity around with us in our day-to-day lives.  That is, we believe there isn't enough time, money, employment, food, accommodation, whatever.  This belief influences our day-to-day interactions with people, as well as our long term goals.  And, they are here to say (if I am understanding them right) that the notion of scarcity is more a state of mind than a reality.  

What became clear very quickly is that what they stand for is a critical part of what we strive to convey to our clients as we work with them around the world.  At a minimum, we demonstrate that SCARCITY IS A RELATIVE NOTION, NOT ABSOLUTE.  We do this through experiential exercises that mimic their real-world circumstances, and we watch as group after group either creates a situation of scarcity or a situation of abundance.  Said differently, they either destroy or create goodwill, profits, benefits, and so on.  They are given the exact same instructions and the exact same context every time.  So, what is it that changes the results?  Their assumptions, beliefs, fears, and greed, and the approach they take based on that.  

The Sufficiency Foundation is a small organization, but I am inspired by what they are up to, so I chose to allocate Common Outlook's year-end charitable donation to them.  At this time of year, with so many of us scrambling to buy buy buy all kinds of "things" that we think will make us and others happy, I feel their message is especially appropriate.  I encourage you to check out their site and see what you can incorporate into your daily life to live the principle of Sufficiency.  Check them out at www.SufficiencyFoundation.com.

"No man is an island", wrote John Donne, the famous British Renaissance Poet and Clergyman (1572-1631). 

BUT, I'd really like to be one from time to time.  

I don't know about you, but every so often, I just wish everyone would leave me alone and let me do my thing.  Now and again, I just wish I didn't have to rely on anyone, and could do whatever I feel like.  Do you ever feel like that?  Sure, it's true that generally the whole is greater than the sum of the parts, but sometimes teamwork is more hassle than it's worth. 

I work in a field that is all about working together: collaborating, negotiating win/win outcomes, managing conflict, and so on.  So, I'm around this all the time, and I am generally inclined to be flexible about how I do things, in order to meet other people's interests as well as mine (or sometimes at the expense of mine). 

 But everything has its limits.  

For me, the main risk I face when dealing with others is not the risk of driving too hard and wanting my way too much.  It's the opposite.  A path I have been on for several years now is the path of learning when to say "no", and where to set the boundary.  I've discovered that some of these lessons are hard won, and come at a considerable price. 

What is the biggest lesson I've learned?  Trust your gut.  If it doesn't resonate with you - LISTEN TO YOUR INSTINCT.  It is telling you that something about this is not right for you.  Ignoring this instinct is costly.   So, if your gut is telling you to do this thing on your own, tell the others to back off, and do it yourself - your way.