Reflections
Power vs. Force: In Negotiation, In Life
I remember participating in a course many years ago and hearing the course leader say this:
If you are powerful, you don’t need to use force.
and
People often use force when they don’t feel powerful.
This notion really resonated at the time, and since then I have seen this distinction play out again and again. What do I mean when I use these words?
By power, I mean “internal” power: strength of character, integrity, credibility, a strong and positive reputation, a history of deeds matching words, quiet confidence, a deep sense of knowing, conviction, moral high ground, and so on. These things are developed over time and generally have to be earned.
By force, I mean more of an “external” thing: money, political position, organizational rank in a hierarchy, physical strength, military resources, etc.
Notice how different these are?
Using force can produce a short term result in your favour, but comes at considerable cost and is often unsustainable over the long term. We often use force because of our fear or our greed.
In contrast, power is often not used intentionally or explicitly. The party in question simply “has” power because of who they are, what they have accomplished, how they have treated people, and what he or she has done to develop himself or herself as a person. Thus, in their interactions with people, this power is simply present. It commands respect. It causes people to listen to and believe what they are saying. It attracts people, often inspires people, and in fact often puts them at ease. It tends to be more sustainable, and produce more sustainable outcomes.
I invite you to observe yourself the next time you’re trying to influence someone or get something done in your life. Are you being powerful in your approach, or are you using force? What is the impact of each strategy? What are the costs and benefits?
I believe you’ll see that investing in and building your power is worth your while. You’ll appreciate the decreasing need to force your way through.
