The satisfaction of working to YOUR priorities

Have you ever felt like your life was an endless series of "to do's", determined by someone else's agenda? 

I certainly have felt that from time to time, and in particular over the last few weeks.  It seemed like every time I turned around there was yet another deliverable due (or overdue), and no room to breathe or come up for air.  

I don't know about you, but for me, this kind of situation leaves me feeling somewhat suffocated and stifled.  One of the main reasons I chose to become self-employed over 10 years ago was to have the freedom to choose how I use my time and where my efforts are directed.  But, my level of success in actually exercising that "freedom to choose" has varied widely over time.

For those of you reading this who are not self-employed, my guess is that you can also relate to what I'm saying.  From what I can tell, most people appreciate and enjoy the ability to determine - in at least some measure - how they use their time and where their energies are directed at any given moment.  For me, when I'm deprived of that freedom for too long, I end up feeling like a hamster running on a wheel, not really getting anywhere.  I don't feel a sense of accomplishment or satisfaction as I complete projects - even though I am accomplishing things - in part because there is immediate pressure to get onto the next item.  My "accomplishments" end up feeling like an endless series of tasks I have no say over, and collectively they seem somewhat meaningless. 

The feelings I have also remind me that I am in need of a vacation.  It's often true that when we are overworked, we lose perspective and enjoyment of the journey.  Thankfully, a vacation is coming soon.    

I am aware that the mindset I'm describing above is a fairly disempowered one.  It assumes I have no control over my choices, which is not true in the broader sense.  Yes, I have made commitments to many people that now lock me into a series of obligations for a certain time, but that pattern can be changed.  Presumably, these commitments were made because I wanted to make them, not out of some sense of obligation.  And, if they were done out of a sense of obligation, I still have to realize that they were - and are - choices I made.  If I made the choices in the first place, then I am responsible for (and capable of) changing them. 

Today is a day where I have such choices open to me, and I'm delighted by it.  It is a day reserved for things that are important to me - like writing this blog entry.  And, I will have at least one other day like that this week.  It gives me a sense of inspiration and excitement.  I feel like I have a say in what I'm doing, and that feels good.  It really is amazing how much satisfaction is available from a shift like this.  

So, to rectify the immediate problem, all I need is time off.  This will restore perspective, balance, and therefore, inspiration.  To rectify the broader problem, I need to remind myself regularly that everything is about choices, and then act on them.  Some are easier to make than others, but they are all choices.  As much as possible, I want to run my life based on inspiration - not obligation.  All I have to do is choose that path - repeatedly.